"When should I get fitted for new maternity/nursing bras?" - October 2024

The short answer is: When your current bras no longer fit comfortably.

And here's the longer answer: Most pregnant women find that their breasts noticeably increase in size during their first trimester, often starting very early on, and so find they need larger cups. For some women an increase in breast size is the first indication that they are pregnant. This initial 'growth spurt' usually slows down, or stops, by the time women enter their second trimester. So getting fitted for new maternity bras around the end of your first trimester is a good idea. Once you start to outgrow your pre-pregnancy bras, you could opt for bras with stretchy or adjustable cups, to accommodate further growth, to save having to buy bigger bras multiple times.


During the second trimester there doesn't tend to be as much breast growth, but this is generally when bumps start to show and bra bands start to get tight. If the bras you bought at the end of your first trimester fitted on the tightest hooks when you bought them, you can start wearing them on a looser set of hooks. If you run out of hooks, but the cups still fit well, using bra extenders is a cheaper option than buying new bras.


During your third trimester, your bump will continue to grow, and in the last couple of weeks your breasts are likely to have another 'growth spurt'. It is a good idea to get fitted for nursing bras sometime after 36 weeks. If you get bras that fit well on the loosest hooks now, then once your baby bump disappears, they should fit well on the tighter hooks. You should also make sure the cups are either stretchy or adjustable, to accommodate the dramatic increase in breast size most women get in the first week after giving birth, not to mention the continuing (but less extreme) fluctuations in size you'll likely experience during the first months.


Finally, once your breasts stop changing size between feeds, you can opt for more structured bras (by this stage even underwired bras are okay, as long as you make sure they fit really well). This stage is reached by different people at different times. Some mums find their breast size has settled by 8 weeks after giving birth, while others still notice significant differences until 6 months, or even later.




Is your sling a Swiss army knife or a tin opener? - August 2024

I often get parents looking for the Swiss army knife equivalent of the sling world. By that I mean they want one sling that does everything.

They want to buy one 'tool' that does everything, instead of a few that each do one specific job.

Now what often happens when we try to build one tool that does more than one job, is we find that it doesn't do those jobs as well as the specilaised versions.

The scissors in a Swiss army knife are not as good as a proper pair of scissors. The tin opener in a Swiss army knife is not as easy to use as an actual tin opener.

So when parents try to find a sling that will be able to carry their child from newborn right through to their 2nd birthday, on their front (facing towards and away from them), as well as on their back and hip, what they often get in a sling that does all these things quite well, but none quite as well as some of the less versatile slings. They are also likely to get a sling that is complicated to use.

For example, a sling engineered to be able to carry from newborn to toddlerhood, tends not to carry the newborn as well as a sling specifically designed to carry a newborn. Although sometimes the opposite is true and the sling carries a younger baby well, but is not so good for a child aged over 12 months.

A sling that can carry baby facing away from their parents is generally more complicated to use than one that specialises in parent facing. And engineering the sling to accomodate facing away from the parent, may mean a less comfortable facing towards them position.

A sling that is primarily designed for front and back carries, is generally not as easy, or comfy, to use for hip carries, as a sling specifically designed for hip carries.

Buying two (or three) slings that don't try to 'do it all' can be as cheap as buying one sling that does try to.

While an 'all-singing-all-dancing' sling can cost £170 or more, you can buy a sling perfectly designed for a newborns for around £50, and then one perfectly designed for a child from 3 months to 2 years, for around £100. You may actually spend less money on two slings that do their specific jobs really well, than one which tries to do more than it really can.

So I'd suggest that rather than going for a complicated 'jack-of-all-trades' sling, consider going for a sling that is simple to use and is a 'master' at what it does, even if this means buying more than one sling. 


Please do not tell parents that their baby does not have a tongue tie, unless you are properly qualified to do so! - July 2024

Did you know that the majority of midwives, health visitors and doctors do not have proper training in identifying tongue ties in babies?


Midwives, health visitors and doctors should have a basic understanding of what tongue tie is and how it may impact feeding, but most are not trained beyond the basics. They may be able to spot an obvious tie, but unless they have had extra training, in addition to the standard education for their profession, they do not have the skills needed to rule out a less obvious tie.


And just because a tie isn't obvious, to an untrained eye, does not mean it does not impact on a baby's ability to feed effectively.


I see a lot of families, with feeding issues, who tell me that their baby doesn't have a tongue tie, because they were checked by a midwife/health visitor/doctor. But more often than it should, it turns out that they do. And that after being properly assessed and treated by a qualified Tongue Tie Practitioner, feeding improves.


I am not a Tongue Tie Practitioner, but as a Breastfeeding Counsellor, I do have more of an understanding of tongue tie than your average midwife, health visitor or doctor. And I do sometimes identify ties that others have missed.

But what I do not do, and what I am pleading with midwives, health visitors and doctors (without specialist training) not to do, is to tell parents that there is no tie. If you cannot spot a tie, but do not have the training required to absolutely rule it out, then do not say: "Your baby does not have a tongue tie."


Instead, please say something along the lines of:

 ðŸ’œ"I cannot see an obvious tie, but I am not fully trained in tongue tie, so cannot rule it out."


 ðŸ’œ"There doesn't appear to be tie to me, but here are the contact details of a local IBCLC, who I know is excellent at identifying tongue ties."


 ðŸ’œ"I can't see a tie myself, but my colleague is an expert on these things, so let's go and heve a chat with her."


 ðŸ’œ"I don't think there is tie, but if your feeding issues continue, you may want to find someone better qualified than me, to do a proper assessment."


So, if you are experiencing feeding difficulties, and someone tells you that your baby does not have a tongue tie, please do ask if they have any specialised training in tongue tie, before taking their word for it.


Sharing information on the potential risks and benefits of the decisions we make for our children - January 2024

15 years ago, I gave my eldest solids at 4 months, as advised by my health visitor (despite it going against, not only current recommendations, but also those in place at the time). I have since learned a lot about how babies' digestive and immune systems work and regret that I did not wait until 6 months. But I did what I thought was the right thing to do, given the information and advice I was given at the time. Yes, I feel guilty that what I did may have caused, or contributed, to the digestive issues she has had as an older child. But I do not object to people sharing information on the dangers of giving solids before 6 months. In some ways this does make me feel bad. But it does not make me feel under attack. I like that this information is being shared. Other people sharing this information with me allowed me to make a more informed decision, with my youngest. I waited until 6 months to start her on solids. I want other parents to be able to make informed choices about starting solids, too.

I breastfed my eldest. At the time, I knew it was better than formula feeding. But I had no idea how much better it was. I had no idea how much breastfeeding (or lack of breastfeeding) can impact on the health of a person, over their entire lifetime. I stopped breastfeeding her at 14 months. If I knew then what I know now, I would not have stopped when I did. But I do not object to people sharing information on the benefits of breastfeeding older children. Again, it does not make me feel under attack. The information others shared gave me the confidence to allow my youngest to self-wean (which she did at a lot older than 14 months). I want other parents to be able to make informed choices about weaning from the breast, too.


Sharing information on the potential risks and benefits of the decisions we make for our children, isn't attacking those who have already made those choices. It is allowing those who have yet to make those decisions, to do so with as much information as possible.


What is the difference between a certified doula, a mentored doula and a recognised doula? - December 2023

There are no entry requirements, or exams to pass, to be able to work as a doula. Anyone can call themselves a doula, whether they have any relevant qualifications and/or experience or not. Dulas do not need to become members of any specific organisations, and there is no governing body that all doulas must join, or abide by the rules of.


But most doulas in the UK do complete some sort of doula preparation course. This is a course which prepares them for life as a doula, by teaching them about pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period, as well as how to best support expectant and new families. There are many providers of such courses. The entry requirements and the volume, level and content of work varies from course to course. Some courses are online, although most involve at least some in-person participation. Some take weeks or months to complete, while others are intensive courses, lasting a few days. And some require quite extensive written assessments.

Some of these course providers give the title of ‘Certified Doula’ (sometimes other words may be used, such as ‘qualified’ or ‘accredited’) to those who have completed their course. 

As doula preparation courses vary a lot, just knowing that a doula has completed a course does not necessarily tell you much about just how prepared they are! If you are considering hiring a doula, whom has completed such a course, and want to know a bit about the course, you can always visit the website of the course provider.

So that’s the term certified covered. But what about mentored and recognised? Here’s where we need to start talking about Doula UK.


Doula UK is the leading organisation of doulas in the UK. It is a not-for-profit community interest company, with a membership of over 700 doulas. Although Doula UK does not provide its own doula preparation courses, it looks at those provided by others, and gives its approval to those it considers to be thorough enough. 


Doulas do not need to join Doula UK, and many choose not to. However, if they do wish to become a member of Doula UK, they must complete a Doula UK approved doula preparation course, go through a rigorous mentoring and recognition process, and agree to comply with Doula UK’s policies and code of conduct.

When doulas initially join Doula UK they are ‘mentored’. This means that they have done an approved preparation course and are working towards becoming ‘recognised’, as they gain experience working as a doula. The recognition process may take months or years, depending on the individual doula. The doula has a mentor, providing support and supervision, until they have gained enough experience to be considered ‘recognised’. Doulas must work with at least four birth clients before they can be considered a ‘Doula UK Recognised Birth Doula’ and at least four postnatal clients, before being considered a ‘Doula UK Recognised Postnatal Doula’.


There is an alternative route to gaining Doula UK membership and Doula UK Recognised status. This alternative route involves extra training modules and is open to experienced doulas, who never completed a doula preparation course and doulas who have completed non-approved doula preparation courses, as well as other birth professionals.


So to answer the original question:


💜 A 'Certified Doula' has completed a doula preparation course.


💜 A 'Mentored Doula' has completed a Doula UK approved doula preparation course, and is going through the Doula UK recognition process.*


💜 And a 'Recognised Doula' has completed both a Doula UK approved doula preparation course and the Doula UK recognition process.*


*Unless they have gone through, the Doula UK recognition process via the alternative route.

What do postnatal doulas do? - October 2023

Not all postnatal doulas offer exactly the same service. So here is a list of some of the the possible services a postnatal doula may offer (and all of which I offer):


💜 The opportunity to discuss your birth 💜
This may be because you had a birth that has left you feeling traumatised, bullied, let down or in some other way less than happy about the experience. Doulas offer you the opportunity to talk though your experience with someone who will listen/hold your hand/be a shoulder to cry on, without trotting out the line, “At least you have healthy baby, and that’s all that matters.” They are someone who can signpost you to appropriate sources of more specialised support and/or help you to go about registering a compliant, if you feel either of these options are what you need.

And of course if you had a wonderful birth experience that you feel like you want to shout about from the rooftops, they will be able to share in your joy. You won’t need to curb your enthusiasm for fear of making them feel bad. They knows how much someone’s experience of birth can affect them and they will be genuinely happy for you, if yours was positive.

💜 Looking after the baby (or babies) while you rest/take a bath/spend time with your other children ðŸ’œ
Our job is not the same as that of a nanny, who will be there specifically to look after your baby for you. But we will happily take the baby for a while, so that you can get on with any of life’s other jobs.

💜Taking care of your other children ðŸ’œ
Once again, although we are not nannies, we are generally happy to take care of older siblings, in order that you can spend time getting to know your new baby without being climbed on!
Most are also happy to take care of both the new baby and any older siblings, giving you a chance to have a relaxing child-free bath or take much needed nap.

💜 Support you in learning how to look after your baby ðŸ’œ
Not everyone knows how to change a nappy or bath a baby before their own arrives. Doulas are generally happy to help you with learning these things.

💜 Feeding information and support ðŸ’œ
Doulas should offer support, however you feed your baby, whether you exclusively breastfeed, breastfeed in combination with formula feeding, exclusively formula feed, or feed you baby expressed milk (whether your own or donated by someone else). Many doulas have undertaken some training in the area of breastfeeding support. Some are qualified as breastfeeding peer supporters or breastfeeding counsellors. Doulas should know when they can offer information and suggestions, and when a problem is beyond their scope of knowledge. In which case they should know where to get you more specialised help.


Being a supportive presence, during those first few public breastfeeds ðŸ’œ
You don’t have to remain at home with your doula. If you feel daunted by the idea of breastfeeding in public place, a doula will be happy to accompany you to your local shopping centre, café or park. Chances are nothing will go wrong, and no-one will say or do anything other than admire your baby and smile at you. But if having your doula with you makes you feel better, then they’ll be happy to oblige. And doubtless they’ll be armed with many witty comebacks, in the highly unlikely event that anyone does offer anything other than positive comments.

💜 Accompanying you to postnatal appointments or baby groups ðŸ’œ
If you have a midwife, doctor or health visitor appointment, that you’d like your doula to accompany you to, or you just want someone you know to be with you the first time you attend a baby group, then they will most likely be happy to do so. Depending on whether they have a car, and the necessary insurance, they may even be able to drive you there. Whether you feel you need someone to advocate for you regarding a specific issue, want to have a supportive presence or just because you are worried about the logistics of just getting out of the house with a small baby, they can be there for you.

💜 Support choosing and using slings ðŸ’œ
Most doulas should have some basic knowledge of slings, and should know about the TICKS rule of safe babywearing (which everyone should follow when wearing a new baby in a sling). Some may have trained as babywearing peer supporters or babywearing consultants, and will therefore be able to offer more specialised support. And if not, they should be able to signpost to local babywearing consultants and/or sling libraries.

💜 Doing housework, including cooking ðŸ’œ
This is an area in which doulas do vary. Some are happy to do pretty much any form of house work and will cook meals for the entire family, if asked. Others feel that it is not part of their role to do household chores.

For me personally, I feel that my job is to provide whatever help is needed in order for you to enjoy the first few weeks with your new baby. If that means me cleaning your kitchen, while you cuddle your baby on the sofa, then that’s what I’ll do. If it means preparing tea for your family, with your baby wrapped against me in a sling, while you take an afternoon nap, or a much needed bath or shower, then that’s what I’ll do.

💜 Looking after pets ðŸ’œ
Again this is an area where some doulas would draw the line. But I feel that if the dog needs walking, and you feel that walking any distance with your dog, especially one that pulls on its lead, would cause you discomfort, because of a caesarean scar or episiotomy, then I’d consider that part of my job. I am also just as happy to feed pets as I am children!

💜 Doing your shopping ðŸ’œ
Not all doulas will offer to do your shopping. But as I’ve mentioned already, if that’s what you need me to do in order to enjoy the first few weeks with your new baby, then that’s what I’ll do. No-one has yet asked me to do a full week’s food shopping at the local supermarket, but I have been asked to ‘pick up a packet of maternity pads on my way over’ or to just ‘pop out and grab a loaf of bread', so the toddler can have sandwiches for their lunch.

💜 Provide you with information on local groups and other relevant services ðŸ’œ
Doulas are usually very well informed about local services, such as breastfeeding support groups, sling libraries and cranial osteopaths, as well as different baby groups.

💜 Nursing bra fitting ðŸ’œ
This probably isn’t a service that many doulas offer. Although it is likely that they may be able to signpost you to whatever local nursing bra fitting services are available.
However, it is a service I can offer. I was trained by the NCT (and later Royce Lingerie) and volunteered as the Swindon branch’s maternity and nursing bra fitter for 3 years. When the NCT stopped offering bra fitting I started up my own independent nursing bra fitting service, and am happy to include this service as part of my time as your postnatal doula.

For me being your postnatal doula is about whatever you need in order to help make the first few days and weeks of being a new parent as easy and enjoyable as possible. And that means that is different for every family I work for.


"Why isn’t there a week for people who couldn’t breastfeed?" - August 2023

Every year from 1st to 7th August is World Breastfeeding Week: a week dedicated to the protection, promotion and support of breastfeeding.

And every year people ask, “Why isn’t there a week for people who couldn’t breastfeed?”

Well, there is. And this is it!

World Breastfeeding Week is not just for those who had (or are still having) a problem free breastfeeding journey. It is for everyone who wanted to breastfeed, whether they breastfed for as long as they wanted or not, and for whatever reason they stopped.

World Breastfeeding Week is not just to celebrate all the ways in which breastfeeding and breastmilk are amazing. World Breastfeeding Week is to raise awareness of the support that is out there, so that those who are struggling can give themselves the best chance possible of reaching their goals. It is about trying to make sure that nobody stops before they want to, simply because they didn’t know that there was support out there. 

World Breastfeeding Week is to raise awareness of the support that isn’t out there! It is about trying to make sure that nobody stops before they want to, because there wasn’t enough support out there. It is an opportunity for those who couldn’t get the support they needed, to let those who should have been providing them with support know that they need to do something about it.


How wearing your baby in a sling may help with postnatal depression - March 2023

The incidence of postnatal depression (PND) is increasing in the UK, with 10-15% of new mothers being diagnosed and many more going undiagnosed. 

PND doesn’t affect every mum in the same way. Many mums feel a sense of dissociation and detachment from their baby. Having such feelings does not mean mums do not love their babies, although many mums worry that they don’t. Others may feel extreme anxiety and that no-one but them could possibly take good enough care of their baby. They may be reluctant to allow baby to be held by others, even for a few minutes. Some mums may feel overwhelmed with responsibility and unable to cope. They often feel very alone and isolated. And many are unable to explain how they feel and why exactly it is that they seem to be finding things so difficult.

There are things mums can do that can help with such feelings. Speaking to her partner, siblings, parents or friends can often help enormously, as can speaking to her midwife, health visitor, doctor, postnatal doula or a breastfeeding peer supporter/counsellor. Healthcare professionals can not only provide direct support, but should also be able to signpost her to whichever local or national groups and services are most relevant to her situation. She may be surprised by just how many people she speaks to have been affected by PND, either because they have had it themselves or because a close family member has. 

The birth of a baby is often an overwhelming time for parents, especially mums, who are faced with the expectations and demands of a culture that judges people by their outward productivity and appearance. Mums may find they are encouraged to put their babies down as much as possible and get their old lives back as soon as possible. Many feel they are expected to get their babies to become independent very early on and that babies will never learn this if their parents respond to their desire to be almost constantly held. This approach is very new in human history and goes against attachment theory, which suggests that human babies thrive on responsive parenting and close contact.

The chemical and hormonal influences affecting PND are complicated, but one hormone that can have a very positive effect is Oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone related to bonding and attachment. It is released during labour and breastfeeding, skin-to-skin contact and social interaction. When oxytocin is released into our bloodstream, it increases our feelings of happiness and contentment, as well as those of love for those we are engaging with. It is the hormone that makes us feel close to our partners when we engage in physical intimacy and has an important role in both our falling and our remaining in love with them. And of course it plays a similar role in helping babies and their parents fall in love with each other. It also helps to reduce stress and anxiety. By maximising their oxytocin, mums can help to combat PND. 

Close physical contact, especially when it includes skin-to-skin, such as cuddles, massage, shared baths and carrying baby against our bodies can all help to maximise the release of oxytocin, and in turn increase feelings of contentment and of love for the baby, while reducing stress and anxiety. And this works both ways. Babies who are in close contact with their parents have been shown to have higher levels of oxytocin than babies who are not experiencing close physical contact. Babies who experience lots of close physical contact with others have also been shown to cry less.

However, for many mums constant carrying of ever-growing children can be difficult to achieve, and may be initially very uncomfortable if she has had a caesarean or physically traumatic birth. This is where the use of a sling can come in very handy. A soft sling that allows mum to keep her child close will allow her to stimulate the release of oxytocin, without leaving her glued to the sofa or unable to use her arms. The baby will also be enjoying close physical contact with mum, helping him (or her) to feel safe and secure. Suddenly mum doesn’t have to choose between spending 15 minutes in front of the mirror, doing her hair and make-up, while her baby cries in the bouncy chair or spending the day with bed-head and no make-up. Now mum and baby are more content, and mum feels more confident to face the world. Getting ready to leave the house is no longer such a stressful experience and getting out of the house, even if it’s just for a five minute walk around the block, can help mum feel a little better. Fresh air and exercise are two effective and easy to achieve ways to help lessen the effects of PND. Having her hands free to get the washing up done, the laundry hung up or to give the lounge a quick vacuum will leave her more confident to accept visitors and lessen any feelings of being unable to cope. 

So while there is no magic cure or quick fix for PND, in many cases, wearing her baby in sling can be play a significant role in improving a mum’s feelings of well-being and self-esteem as well as increasing her feelings of love for her baby.


What is consent? - February 2023

The NHS states that, "Consent to treatment means a person must give permission before they receive any type of medical treatment, test or examination."

However, it is not that uncommon for treatment to be given without consent. It has happened to me and I have witnessed it happen to others. 

Consent should involve:

💜 medical professionals explaining why they wish to carry out a procedure or administer you drugs

💜 the patient being fully informed (or at least as informed as they wish to be), not only of benefits of the  procedure/drugs, but also of any potential adverse effects, and how likely these are to happen

💜 the medical professionals fully informing the patient of what the procedure involves/how the drug will be administered

💜 the patient having all their questions about the procedure/drug answered

💜 the patient actually giving unambiguous consent to the procedure/drug, whether verbally or by signing a form

Examples of medical professionals not getting informed consent:

"I'm just going to break your waters"

"Pop up on the bed for me, so I can check your cervix"

"If you haven't given birth by Monday, you'll need to be induced, so I'll just get you booked in"

"I'm going to give you a little something to help get those contractions happening a bit faster"


If you hear a medical professional saying any of these phrases, they are assuming consent, not asking if you give it!


Love your boobs! - January 2023 

When you come for a bra fitting, please don't apologise for not having perfect boobies.

It is usual to have one boob larger than the other. For some women it is hardly noticeable. But for many it is quite obvious. And wherever you fall on the 'size difference spectrum', it is normal. In fact if your boobs are the exact same shape and size then you are in the (very lucky) minority.

It is not perfectly normal to have firm, pert, stay-in-the-same-place-when-you-take-your-bra-off boobs, unless you are a 20 year old, who has never been pregnant or you have had a boob job. Although if you do have such boobs, that's great.

It is perfectly normal to compare ourselves to the airbrushed images we are bombarded with everyday. But for the vast majority of us, such 'perfection' is unattainable. 

Love you boobs! Love that they don't match. Love you can tuck them into your trousers. Love that they are what feed your children. Love that they are small enough you can go jogging without a bra on and not give yourself black eyes. Love that you have such huge boobs you can rest your plate on them to eat your lunch. Love that you have nipples that point to your elbows or that are large enough to need extra nipple-bras of their own. Love that touching them gives you sexual pleasure. Love that you can squirt milk halfway across the room with them. Love that they are so covered in stretch marks that you look like you're wearing an animal print bra when you're naked. Love that you can distract a whole room of men with your cleavage. Love that they disappear into your armpits when you lie on your back. Love that they are part of you and that just like the rest of you they are unique and beautiful.


What is my job as your doula? - September 2022 

As a doula my job is not to encourage my clients to have specific type of birth or to take care of their babies in a specific way. My job is to support clients to make informed decisions about how they want to give birth and to parent, and to support them to achieve this.


Yes, I am a home birth advocate, but that does not mean I will pressure clients into giving birth at home. I do not believe everyone should give birth at home any more than I believe everyone should give birth in hospital. What I do believe is that everyone should be able to make an informed decision about where to give birth (as well as every aspect of giving birth) and be supported in that decision. I will give clients as much or as little information on their options for labour and birth as they want. And I will support them to achieve the birth they want, no matter what they choose.

I have supported hospital, birth centre and home births. I have supported clients who have chosen to have inductions and caesareans, as well as those who wanted as natural a birth as possible.


Yes, I am a breastfeeding counsellor, but that does not mean I will pressure clients into breastfeeding. I will give them as much or as little information on infant feeding as they want, and support them to feed their babies the way they want to.

I have supported clients who wanted to exclusively formula feed. I have supported clients who wanted to combination feed and those who wanted to express their milk. I have supported those who wanted to give their baby nothing but human milk, even if they had to use milk donated by someone else to achieve it.


Yes, I am a babywearing consultant, but that does not mean I will pressure clients into using a sling. I will suggest using a sling when appropriate, and will give them as much or as little information about slings and babywearing as they want. But if they do not want to use a sling, I will respect their decision.


As your doula my job is to inform, support and empower you to do what is right for you. 


Supporting LGBTQ pregnancy, birth and early parenthood - August 2022 
All my services are fully inclusive of those belonging to the LGBTQ community. They are open to all, regrdless of sexuality or gender identity and am striving to make my services obviously and visibly inclusive.

I've always been aware that not all parents are heterosexual and have knowingly supported quite a few lesbian (or possibly bisexual/pansexual) women and couples. And given that I do not always meet partners, and sexuality rarely comes up as a topic of conversation when discussing nursing bras or TENS machines, it seems quite likely I've unknowingly supported several more.

I have also never assumed any new or expectant parent I have contact with is married or has a partner, or that their partner is of the opposite gender. But until a few years ago, I hadn’t given any thought to the fact that there are pregnant people, who may not identify as female or with the labels woman or mum.

I knew of the existence of transgender people, and personally knew both a transgender man and a transgender woman. However, I knew that transwomen could not become pregnant (due to the technology to construct or transplant a working uterus not yet existing), and I wrongly assumed that transgender men would neither want to, nor be able to, get pregnant.

Through a combination of keeping myself up-to-date with perinatal issues and having both a friend and a close family member come out as being transgender, I have become much more informed on the subject of gender diversity, both in general and specifically in relation to pregnancy and parenting. To further my knowledge and understanding I took the The Queer Birth Club's LGBTQ+ Competency in Birth and Beyond course in 2021 and then their LGBTQ+ Competency in Lactation course, earlier this year.

This has led me to realise that there are people who do not identify as either ‘women’ or as ‘mums’, and/or do not use female pronouns, having babies and accessing perinatal services. And that these perinatal services are often falling short of providing for their needs, in an inclusive and respectful way.

As well as transgender men, who generally use male gendered language, there are people who identify as non-binary for whom neither female nor male gendered language is appropriate. Some people, who were born intersex, may also feel that female gendered language is not right for them.

There are pregnant women, who although they are happy with the word ‘woman’ and with female pronouns, are acting as surrogates and therefore do not identify as ‘mum’. This is especially likely if the baby they are pregnant with was conceived using an egg that was not her own.

So I am doing my bit by trying to make sure that every pregnant person and new parent feels my services include them. I am doing this by using more gender neutral and diverse language and images.

This is not to say that I do not use the words ‘woman’ or ‘mum’, or use ‘she’ and ‘her’ when talking to or about those individuals or groups, who are happy with this. I use them when it is appropriate, just as I use alternatives when that is more appropriate.

Hopefully all pregnant people and new parents, whether they are straight, gay, bi or pansexual, cis or transgender, non-binary, genderfluid or intersex (as well as those who are surrogates) feel that they are fully accepted and respected when using any of my services.


"But I can buy that bra cheaper on Amazon!" - July 2022

I sell all my bras for the recommended retail price, or less. So I am not overcharging anyone for bras. 

The money I make when I sell you a bra can be as little as £2 per bra, depending on the difference between the wholesale and retail price of the bra.

I once had a customer come to me for a free fitting, which took around 30 minutes. She found a bra she loved and paid me the retail price for it. The mark up on that particular bra was around £3. So that would equate to an hourly rate of £6. (Already below the national minimum wage.) A few days later she contacted me telling me that she had found the bra £4 cheaper on Amazon, and that I should price match it. In other words refund her the difference of £4. If I did that I would not only wouId have done her fitting for free, but it would have actually cost me £1.

The reason you can sometimes find the bras I sell on Amazon for cheaper is that those sellers buy hundreds of bras at a time, at a huge discount. When I order from the manufacturers my orders are for an average of 10 bras, so I just get the basic wholesale discount.

Yes, you may sometimes be able to find the bras I sell cheaper online. But isn't it worth paying a little bit extra to get someone, specifically trained in maternity and nursing bra fitting, helping you out with sizing and making sure you get the best fit possible? Isn't it worth paying a couple of extra quid for the convenience of being able to try on multiple bras, without having to worry about taking all the ones that don't fit to the post office, to be returned? Isn't it worth paying a bit more to know you're helping out someone who is working hard to run a small business, instead of a faceless company that just buys and sells whatever goods it finds with the highest potential for making money?


Babywearing in the Hot Weather - June 2022

In hot weather your baby can feel like a sweaty hot-water bottle on your chest. But that doesn't mean you cannot use a sling.

Your baby is no more likley to overheat in a sling than in a buggy or carseat. Parents living in very hot climates wear their babies year-round and don't have a problem with overheating. As adults are better thermoregulaters than babies, skin-to-skin contact with your baby can actually help them to stay cool.

But as no-one wants to feel like they're carrying a sweaty hot-water bottle, here's some tips to make things a bit more comfortable.


💜 Drink 💜
Both you and your baby need to drink plenty (and frequently) to keep yourselves hydrated.


💜 Ditch the layers 💜
Layers trap air. Great for keeping warm. Not so great for keeping cool. Try using a sling that has minimal layers over you and baby (such as a ring sling). Or if you wrap, do so in such a way as to have only one or two layers covering either of you, if you can.

💜 Go natural 💜

Go natural - Natural fibres such as cotton and bamboo are breathable and can help keep you cool. Opt for clothes and slings that are made from cotton, bamboo, linen or silk.

💜 Hats 💜

Lightweight, wide-brimmed hats can protect from the sun, without making heads too hot. The wider the brim the more shade they provide for other body parts. Even if baby won't wear a hat, if your hat has a very wide brim, it will likely stll provide same shade for baby. Sling hoods may be used to shade baby from the sun, but care should be taken that using a hood does not reduce air flow and trap hot air in the sling.

💜 Shade 💜

Stay in the shade as much as possible. Use a parasol, umbrella or, as previously mentioned, wide-brimmed hats to keep you and baby shaded.

💜 Fans 💜

Hand-held fans can help keep you both cool.

💜 Water 💜

Spraying cold water on your skin, using a spray bottle, or damp muslins placed against the skin can be really effective in cooling you down.

💜 Avoid the hottest part of the day 💜

If you can, plan your day so that any walking outside is done early in the morning or after things have started to cool down.

💜 Arms out 💜

If your baby is able to sit-up unaided and the sling you have allows it, have baby's arm out, rather than tucked inside the sling.

💜 Back or hip carry 💜

If you are confident to do so and your sling allows it, then carrying on your hip or back feels cooler than on your front.
💜 Go mesh/lite 💜

Many slings come in versions specifically designed for warmer weather. They tend to either be made of either lighterweight fabric than the original versions or have mesh panels.

💜 Fridge/freezer 💜

Finally a tip I got from an Australian babywearing consultant. Put your sling in the fridge or freezer to cool it down before putting it on. Only put slings with no plastic or metal components in the freezer, to avoid ice burns. The sling may not stay cool for long once you've got it on. But it can make the process of getting it on a bit more pleasant.


"When do I need to start making enquiries, if I'm considering hiring a birth doula?" - May 2022

Last month I had two extremes when it comes to enquiring about my services as a birth doula. In the afternoon I met with a woman who is not due to give birth for another 7 months, to discuss hiring me as her birth doula. I had virtually nothing in my diary for 7 months’ time, and if she did decide to hire me, I would have known to make sure I didn't book anything that would interfere with my ability to attend her birth.

When I got home from the meeting with this potential client, I checked my email and found one from a woman, who was almost 37 weeks pregnant, also enquiring about hiring me as her doula. I replied to her email, explaining that I had could not be her doula.

This was the third time this time this year I have turned away a potential birth client because they have contacted me too late. In this particular case it wasn’t because I already have a birth client due around the same date, (although if I did, I would not be able to be her doula, no matter how early in the pregnancy I was contacted, as I do not take on clients that have overlapping on-call periods). 

There are two reasons I rarely take on clients at such short notice.

Firstly, once I know I am going to be on-call for a birth I make sure that I don’t commit to anything, during the on-call period, that I cannot miss, cancel or postpone. I won’t book myself onto any conferences, arrange to go and visit friends or family, or spend the day at the beach or a theme park, if by doing so I will be more than an hour’s drive away from my client.

In the past I would have had to make sure I had some form of childcare available for the entire on-call period, which was sometimes quite difficult to get sorted. Now my children are old enough get to and from school by themselves and to be left home alone for the day, if I get called out during the school holidays. Although now I have to arrange to have someone on stand-by to come to my home to let the dogs out, if I’m called out on a day when no-one else is going to be home.

In this specific case, I already have loads of stuff in my diary for what would have been the potential client’s on-call period. There are days when I have arranged to be home to supervise builders, doing work to our house or to take delivery of building supplies. There are events and appointments that I have arranged. Some of these can be easily cancelled at short notice, but there is one that I have paid quite a lot of money to attend and for which I wouldn’t get a refund if I couldn’t attend. And one for which I am the organiser, so really cannot miss. I also currently have a postnatal client, who lives 40 minutes away from me (but over an hour from the potential birth client). So in short, even if a doula has not got another birth booked, they may well have other commitments, which mean they cannot take you on.

Secondly, I do not have enough time to get to know clients, and to build a relationship with them. I offer birth clients up to 6 antenatal meetings. This is because I believe that the better I know my clients, and the better they know me, the better able I am to support them. With one exception I have had at least 4 antenatal meetings with all my birth clients and this has allowed us to really get to know each other. There is more to being able to support someone through labour and birth than just knowing what’s in their birth plan. The one time I took on a client who was already 36 weeks, I only managed to meet her once before she went into labour (at 38 weeks). While I am sure she had a more positive birth experience than she would have done if she had birthed without a doula, I know that I wasn’t able to support her as well as I feel I could have, if we’d had more time together. The labour was long and difficult. Some of what caused this could have been avoided if we had had more opportunity to discuss birth options and coping techniques in advance of her labour. 

So, the answer to the question is, the sooner the better. The sooner you contact potential doulas, the more likely they are to be available and the more choice you are likely to have when it comes to which one you hire. You don’t want to hire your doula simply because they are the only one who has availability, or be unable to hire one at all, because none of them have any availability. You should choose a birth doula based mainly on whether you feel they are the right doula for you. When you meet them do you feel like they are the kind of person you could form a good relationship with? Do they feel like the right person for you? Of course, other more practical factors also need to be considered. Are their fees within your budget? Do they cover the geographical area you plan to give birth in? But the earlier you contact them, the less likely the question of availability will be an issue, the less likely you will have to compromise on things such as budget or relevant experience and/or skills, and the more time you will have to form a really strong doula-client relationship.


"Who can help me with feeding my baby?" - April 2022

So, you want some help with breastfeeding. Who do you turn to? There seem to be a lot of experts to choose from. What do their job titles mean and what experience and qualifications do they have?


💜 Breastfeeding Peer Supporters/ Breastfeeding Helpers 💜

These are parents who have breastfed themselves (usually to at least 6 months, with at least one child) who have been trained by the National Childbirth Trust (NCT), the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers (ABM), the Breastfeeding Network (BfN) or the NHS. The BfN call them Helpers, rather than the more commonly used Peer Supporters, but they are all very similarly qualified. The training, which usually spans several weeks or even months, gives these participants knowledge about how breastfeeding works, strategies for tackling many of the most common problems and, possibly most importantly, when to signpost to others, more qualified than themselves. They should be seen as are well-informed friends, who’ve been-there-and-done-that. They generally work as volunteers either on postnatal wards or at local breastfeeding support groups, although very occasionally they may be found in paid roles for either the NHS or other organisation.


💜 Breastfeeding Counsellors/Le Leche League Leaders 💜

These are also parents who have breastfed themselves (usually to at least 6 months, with at least one child) who have been trained by the NCT, the ABM, the BfN or La Leche League (LLL). LLL call them Le Leche League Leaders, rather than Breastfeeding Counsellors.

Their training usually takes around 2 years and is much more academic. The NCT course, for example, is university accredited.

Breastfeeding Counsellors are not allowed to charge parents for breastfeeding support, but sometimes work in paid roles for organisations, including the NHS. They may teach breastfeeding classes antenatally, as well as run breastfeeding support groups or work on telephone helplines.

Each of the organisations that train Breastfeeding Counsellors expects their Counsellors (or Leaders) to keep their knowledge up-to-date, with continuing professional development (CPD). The title of Breastfeeding Counsellor is not permanent. If they let their registration/CPD slip, they can no longer call themselves Breastfeeding Counsellors.

Like peer supporters, they are taught to know when to signpost on to health professionals. 


💜 Midwives 💜

Many midwives are very skilled at breastfeeding support. Obviously some will be parents themselves, and of those who are many will have some personal breastfeeding experience. Some of them will have trained as peer supporters. A lot of women who choose to enter midwifery after having children of their own, train as peer supporters in order to help with their application to university. Some may have done their breastfeeding counsellor training (before, during or after their midwifery training) and some will even be IBCLCs (which is discussed further on).

The training that midwives got during their initial training (and the amount they get as CPD after qualifying) varies enormously. Although the more newly qualified midwives should, in theory, have a fairly good level of breastfeeding training. If you happen to come across an Infant Feeding Specialist Midwife, you know that they have had extra training and have had convince their employers that their knowledge and skills of infant feeding are of a high level.

Even those with no experience of their own, or specific breastfeeding qualifications, may have picked up a lot of knowledge and skills during their lives. But it is hard to know which midwives provide the really fantastic, up-to-date, evidenced-based support, and which are basing their support on outdated ideas or their own very negative experiences of breastfeeding.

In hospitals accredited by the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative (BFI), all health care workers, who care for mums and babies, should have received a certain amount of training in breastfeeding, roughly equivalent to that of a Peer Supporter. But of course midwives move about between hospitals and may be working in a BFI hospital for some time before getting the training, so this isn’t a guarantee of a midwife with a good level of training.


💜 Health Visitors 💜

Like midwives, not all health visitors are created equal. Some provide excellent support and really know their stuff, while others have had little training in breastfeeding support. You might be lucky enough to find yourself meeting a health visitor who is part of the Infant Feeding Team or maybe even the Infant Feeding Lead Health Visitor. In this case, you know that they have a particular interest in the area and that their knowledge and skills of infant feeding are likely to be of a high level.


💜 General Practitioners (GPs) 💜

Breastfeeding training for GPs is sadly lacking. Most GPs will have had one or two lectures on breastfeeding, most of which is likely to have been about the anatomy of the lactating breast, rather than how to help those who are having problems with breastfeeding. Of course, like midwives many will have their own experience of breastfeeding and a few may have chosen to do extra breastfeeding training. But as breastfeeding parents are only a small section of the huge variety of patients they see every day, they are far less likely to have done so than a midwife. There is no doubt that GPs do an amazing job, and have a huge knowledge base, covering a range of bodily functions and ailments. Most GPs will have few areas in which they have more specialised knowledge, but this varies, depending on the demographic of their patients and their own particular interests and experiences, and of course this does not always include breastfeeding. So much like Midwives and Health Visitors, how well your GP can help you with your breastfeeding concerns, will vary depending on the individual GP in question.


💜 Doulas 💜

Doulas work with expectant and new parents. Their training, qualifications and experience varies greatly. Most are parents themselves and some will have breastfed. Some will have done a course to become recognised by Doula UK, which will have covered a lot about infant feeding. But unless a doula wished to be recognised by Doula UK, there is nothing to stop someone without any relevant qulaifications from working as or calling themselves a doula.
Many Doulas, especially those who work mainly with new (rather than expectant) parents will have done a Breastfeeding Peer Supporter course. And those who have not done Peer Supporter training will likely have attended study days, or done other courses relating to infant feeding. Some will also have trained as Breastfeeding Counsellors. However, as Breastfeeding Counsellors are not allowed to charge mums directly for breastfeeding support, they may have chosen to let their qualification lapse, in order to be able to charge specifically for breastfeeding support. Doulas can charge for general postnatal support (which may or may not include a degree of breastfeeding support) and retain their title of Breastfeeding Counsellor. However they cannot advertise or provide specific breastfeeding support as a chargeable service.

💜 International Board Certified Lactation Consultants (IBCLCs) 💜

This qualification is the gold standard of breastfeeding support providers. IBCLCs are usually health professionals (doctors, nurses or midwives) who have chosen to take on extra breastfeeding education. Unlike Breastfeeding Counsellors, they do not need to have any personal experience of breastfeeding. But becoming (and maintaining the title of) IBCLC is not easy. IBCLCs must gain many hours working with breastfeeding mums and have a large amount of formal health (including specifically breastfeeding) education before they can even sit the exam to gain their title. They must re-sit the exam every few years, as well as getting plenty of CPD.

It is possible for someone who is not a health professional to become an IBCLC, but this is an even longer and more difficult journey. Those who do manage it will certainly have a real passion for breastfeeding.

IBCLCs may work for the NHS or they may have a private practice. Access to NHS employed IBCLCs is free, but the cost for consultations with private IBCLCs varies. A few IBCLCs offer their services for free, on a voluntary basis.

💜 Others with infant feeding or breastfeeding training 💜

There are an increasing number of courses in breastfeeding/infant feeding available to those who work with either expectant or new parents, in a professional capacity, such as antenatal teachers, yoga instructors, osteopaths, massage therapists etc. To take these courses participants do not usually have to be parents or to have breastfed themselves. The courses vary in length from a single day to several weeks and their content and quality also varies. Some are great courses, run by those with appropriate qualifications, while others less so. The best of these courses are approximately equivalent to that of Breastfeeding Peer Supporter.

The only exception to this, that I am aware of, is the ABM Breastfeeding Support Training: Advanced level, which is almost identical in content to their Breastfeeding Counsellor course, taking around 2 years to complete, but which you do not have to have breastfed in order to take. It does not qualify you as a Breastfeeding Counsellor, and allows those who have taken it to charge parents for support.

💜 What’s in a title? 💜

Unfortunately, the titles of ‘Breastfeeding Supporter’, ‘Breastfeeding Counsellor’ and ‘Lactation Consultant’ are not legally protected This means that anyone can call give themselves these titles, or similar ones, such as ‘Infant Feeding Consultant’ or ‘Lactation Specialist’. Please check what training and qualifications they have. Check that any they do have was awarded by an appropriate organisation and that have kept up-to-date with any requirements to maintain their qualification.


Someone claiming to be a Breastfeeding Counsellor, who specifically advertises breastfeeding support as a chargeable service, has either chosen to let their qualification lapse, in which case they should not be calling themselves a Breastfeeding Counsellor (although they would not be incorrect in stating that that have trained as one) or never had a qualification from an appropriate awarding body to begin with. 

And a Lactation Consultant that does not have the letters IBCLC after their name is not as qualified as they would have you think.


"Why does that doula charge so more than you? Is it because they offer a better service?" - March 2022

Every now and then I take a look at what other birth doulas charge to see how my own prices compare. I know different doulas offer slightly different services and have different areas of expertise, and their prices will reflect this. However, what I am increasingly aware of is that although there are doulas who charge less than me and who charge a similar price, there are also those who charge considerably more than I do.


💜 So why do some doulas charge so much more than others? 💜

Some doulas need to charge high prices, just to be able to pay the bills. Doulas who are the sole or main bread-winner in their household need to charge enough to make a living wage. Those who have a partner who earns a very high wage, or who have other sources of income besides doual-ing can get away with charging less and still be able to have enough money to live. Most doulas, had other jobs before becoming doulas, some of which may have been quite highly paid. And if a doula’s previous job afforded them an affluent lifestyle, they may wish to maintain it, by charging more.


Some doulas charge more because they live and work in an area with a high cost of living. In areas where there is a high cost of living, not only are the people more likely to be able to afford (and be willing to pay) higher prices, but the doulas who live in those areas will need to charge more to be able to afford to live there themselves.

Price variations may also be due to the level of experience and qualification a doula has. A doula who has, not only had 10 years’ experience working as a doula, but has also worked for several years as a midwife and has given birth 4 times herself, for example, can quite justifiably charge a lot more than a new doula with no relevant qualifications.

Some doulas are also antenatal teachers, hypnobirthing instructors, breastfeeding counsellors or babywearing consultants or have qualifications in relevant therapies such as pregnancy and postnatal massage or reflexology, and charge more because of their additional expertise.


Some doulas offer a very comprehensive service, while others offer a much more basic package. Some offer the use of birth pools, TENS machines or birth balls. Numbers of inclusive antenatal and postnatal visits, as well as on-call periods can vary too. Some doulas offer just two antenatal and one postnatal visit and only go on-call from 38 weeks, while others offer several antenatal and postnatal visits and go on-call from 37 weeks.


💚 Do I charge less because I live in an expensive area? 💚

No. The area I live and work in isn’t overly expensive. I am ‘down south’, so things are generally a bit more expensive than for my more northern counterparts, but I am quite far from London (where doulas regularly charge more than four times what I do). There are certainly some extremely well-off people living in some of the nearby villages, but the vast majority of people who live in the surrounding area do not earn six figure salaries or live in houses big enough to have their own postcodes.


💜 Do I charge less because I have little or no experience or qualifications? 💜

No. My level of experience isn’t huge. I haven’t been a doula for 20 plus years or supported hundreds of births, but I have been a doula for 10 years. I haven’t trained as a midwife, but I have trained and worked as a nursery nurse, babywearing consultant and breastfeeding counsellor. I regularly attend relevant courses, workshops and conferences, to keep my skills and knowledge up-to-date. And I have experience of giving birth myself, both in hospital and at home.


💚 Do I charge less because my services don’t include much? 💚

No. My services are pretty comprehensive. I don’t include 6 postnatal visits, as I have seen a few doulas do. Although if you do want more than the two I offer as standard, with my birth package, they are available at my hourly rate. But I do offer up to 6 antenatal visits, and I know that this is more than most other doulas offer. My on-call period is from 37 weeks (or earlier if you are likely to give birth early for any reason) until you give birth, even if that is later than 42 weeks. When I take a booking I will make sure I am available until at least 43 weeks. Some doulas don’t go on-call until 38 weeks, or even 10 days before your due date. And I include the use of one of my birth pools and/or TENS machines in my services.


💜 So why are my prices lower? 💜

It isn’t because I live in an area where no-one would be willing, or able, to afford higher prices (otherwise those doulas that charge more wouldn’t be in business).

It isn’t because I have no relevant qualifications or experience. I have a significant level of relevant experience and actually have more relevant qualifications than many other doulas, who charge more than I do.

It isn’t because my services don’t include as much as others’. In fact, from what I have seen they generally include more.

It isn’t because my husband earns so much money I don’t need to work. And it isn’t because I have some other source of income that means I can just doula as a hobby!


I know that if I charged more I would still get people paying for my services. But the people I would get paying for them would change. Currently I get a lot of clients who I’d consider to be ‘like me’. Before becoming a doula, I was primary school teacher, living in a 3 bedroom house, paying a mortgage and living a very ordinary lifestyle. I couldn’t afford to buy brand new cars straight off the showroom floor or to go on regular holidays to exotic locations. And I would have considered hiring a ‘higher charging’ doula to be a luxury I couldn’t justify paying for.

It isn’t that I don’t think doula services are valuable. In some cases having a doula can be worth more than even the most expensive doulas’ fees. It is hard to put a price on having a positive versus negative birth experience or of avoiding slipping into postnatal depression.

But however valuable a service is, when it is not free, not everyone is in position to be able to pay for it.

I know there is the Doula UK access fund. It is there to help individuals or families who feel a doula could help them, but who cannot afford to hire one. But it is there to help those in significant financial hardship or some other form of disadvantage. A ‘normal’ family, who do not receive any benefits or have any other disadvantages would be unlikely to qualify. And it is those ‘normal’ people, who aren’t disadvantaged enough to qualify for the access fund, but would struggle to pull together enough money to pay a more expensive doula, that I tend to get as clients.

I am more than happy to work for clients who could afford a much more expensive doula. I believe everyone who feels a doula would be beneficial to them should be able to have one. But it is when working with the normal families, who have to know how much a doula charges before decided to hire them or not, that I feel I am doing what I am meant to do.

There will always be doulas available for those that don’t need to check the price of something before deciding to buy it. What I strive to provide is a doula service for those that have to give bit more consideration to an expensive as big as hiring a doula.


In summary. I do not charge less than other doulas because I feel my service is worth less or because doulas in general are not worth paying a high price for, but because I want hiring a doula to be something that isn’t reserved only for those that are either very rich or very poor. I want to provide a doula service that is accessible to ordinary people, with average incomes. 


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